A Beginner’s Guide to Gay Media
I’m a simple person. I like soft pajamas, big bowls of pasta, and binging a television show that teeters precariously on the line of brilliant storytelling and completely unhinged plots. I also like media that includes and features queer people and their stories. Considering this, you would think I’d long be used to — and done complaining about — the bury your gays trope.
Bury Your Gays is not a new phrase in the world of media literacy, whether that’s academic or colloquial. Theorists Haley Hulan and Danielle DeMuth write that this trope “draw(s) a direct correlation between the couple confessing their feelings for one another, kissing, having sex for the first time and the character’s death; they often die mere moments or pages after their relationship is confirmed for the audience.”* (Does this! Remind you! Of anything!!! Not me screaming about Castiel still.)
This trope originated as a sort of refuge for queer writers, a way to include queer characters without backlash from The Powers That Be; this was a way to protect readers, publishers, and themselves from the “endorsement” of homosexuality before laws against homosexuality were abolished. However, there is no longer a need for these queer coded characters to be annihilated; in fact, characters could just be… gay… and alive…?
As a media scholar, which is a title I ardently still claim despite no plans to re-enter the academy, this blog was almost me diving too deeply into tearing this apart. Instead, I’m focusing my energies in a more positive way: an entirely biased, non-comprehensive list of media recommendations. Specifically, LGBTQ Recommendations; specifically-specifically, A Beginner’s Gay Media Guide.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve undoubtedly consumed nearly all media that prominently features, baits, or even hints at gay characters. When I was younger, this meant watching Queer As Folk under the covers during the middle of the night with headphones in and volume nearly off; renting Brokeback Mountain from the video store, unconfidently saying that yes, my parents had approved this rental, thank you very much; reading and then re-reading my haggard .75 cent proof copy of Happy Endings Are All Alike by Sandra Scoppettone, always insisting that I did like mystery novels and that was the real appeal of it.
If you’re familiar with that list, you might be wincing in sympathy for poor sixteen year old Emma. I am, too. She really and truly was trying her best.
There are certainly more options now than there were a decade ago, but the options for queer media is still limited. Moreso if you aren’t willing to consume anything, which less and less I am. My list of requirements — are they alive at the end? Was there a problematic age gap? Was there any conversion therapy or, like, narrative metaphors for conversion therapy? — should be incredibly simple to meet. And yet…
Before writing this, I asked my roommate, “what are your queer media recs?”
Immediately, he opened his mouth to answer. Before he could, I interjected, “but wait! None of them can die!”
He closed his mouth. Frowned. Considered. Shrugged.
It’s harder than it looks. Even with shows that strut their queer characters out for marketing purposes, the characters rarely end up happy — end up alive.
That’s not to say there aren’t any. But, frankly, if someone wants to watch a movie about a gay couple, I don’t want them to watch Call Me By Your Name, a book-to-movie adaptation with a storyline that problematically reinforces power imbalance and age gap narratives that remain unsettlingly popular within queer media. Imagine if kids googling ‘gay women movies’ didn’t watch Blue Is The Warmest Color? What a world we would live in.
So, with all this in mind, here is my go-to rec for media about or featuring queer people, where it’s just a good time and no one dies! Or, at least, they don’t stay dead. It’s a Beginner’s Guide to Queer Media and also, hopefully, a heartwarming list of fun things.
[NOTE: I am not saying these are the best out there. I’m only recc’ing things I’ve seen personally and enjoyed. My only guarantee is that it’s not depressing as fuck.]
MOVIES
Damn, this was good. Female friendship, gay teenager girls, wholesome but still coming of age storylines? Hell yeah. Most people have seen this and if you haven’t, you should. Stories don’t need to be about being gay.
This was my first five star rating on Letterbox. It’s about a struggling artist and his inability to accept and offer love. It’s just a little bit artsy and it’s very funny and Colin Morgan, who might have some things to answer for after the series finale of BBC Merlin ruined Christmas for me, stars as the handsome, enigmatic titular character. It’s also absolutely not about being gay. Like. People are just gay and that’s fine and that’s *chef kissy*.
What do you want from me? Huh? What? It’s Kristen Stewart and she’s gay. I’d put the Totino’s Pizza Roll skit on here if I could.
Okay, people hated this. And I hear their concerns and complaints. But I do raise the question of… are you familiar with the romance, and specifically, the Christmas romance genre? This movie was absolutely no worse romance-storytelling than a straight Christmas movie that would have gotten away with it, and it was better in many cases. It was funny, heartwarming, and thinking that the friend is better than the love interest is not uncommon in romance! It’s okay to enjoy things!!
I am but human! You give me a sweet romance featuring two sweet teenagers and a himbo sidekick, and I will weep for the entirety of the movie! I am! Only! A person! If you’re not already aware of how few sapphic romances there are out there without absolutely depressing plots, misbalanced power dynamics, or death scenes, then you might not know the absolute trepidation I felt watching this movie and how pleased I am that it was so cute.
Damn, okay, I first watched this as a short film on Tumblr back in, like, 2011. And did it absolutely wreck me? Yes, it did. I think I stayed home from school for like three days to just consider the romance. I haven’t watched this one in a long time. If you’re doing a re-watch, message me, and we can stream together and cry. (If you haven’t noticed the theme, it’s that I dig a writer-director combo.)
TELEVISION
Let me tell you. How I have suffered on the TV front. How I have labored to suffer. I have really gone out of my way to suffer.
I am not saying this is good. I am saying I love it and that one of the sisters is gay. As a lover of the original series, I’m willing to accept any terrible change the new series offers because they gave me a gay Charmed One, and I am honored for this. The show never makes being gay a plot point, even while gay relationships are, and I am grateful.
Now, this is not a gay show, but it does feature several LGBTQ characters of varying importance over the season, and while it is occasionally a moment where the other characters are like wait, what?? It’s not like any more serious than anything else on the show, and it was really gratifying to see characters come into their sexuality in later seasons, similar to the way actual people come out.
Am I including this? Am I? I… am. I am! My stipulation was not depressing, which this isn’t even while it is interesting and gritty, and that the gays don’t die. The straights are fair game.
This is probably an obvious recommendation, but I’ve got to include it. David and Patrick are sweet, complicated, and grow in realistic and natural ways without ever once sacrificing their adoration for each other. It should not be unique; it is. It floored me and many others, watching their love grow and grow without the show ever once pushing back.
Honestly, guys, I had to outsource this one. Roommate suggested it to me when I bemoaned how difficult it was to find television shows with characters that are gay, untortured, and alive at the end. It’s insanely hard. BUT! As Roommate says, season 2 of this is romantic and sweet about the blossoming of new, young love. I’ll definitely be watching this soon. Join me!
BOOKS
All For The Games Series by Nora Sakavic
Okay, I recently looked into recommending this to someone and I cannot stress enough that you need to check the content warning list before reading this. BUT! If you are comfortable with all the CWs, this series is engaging, heart-wrenching, fun, and gay as fuck. What more can you want?
Cemetery Boys by Aidan Thomas
If you already read YA, queer books, or, god willing, queer YA, you absolutely have heard of this book. This book was a debut last year and was absolutely the best book I read all year. In multiple years! In decades! This book is about first love and identity and family and duty and about tearing out your heart! I could not recommend it more.
Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson
This is arguably the most beautiful novel I’ve ever read. I first read this in a coffee shop in Amsterdam; I finished it in a cafe in London. It was one of three books I took with me from one of those leave-and-grab street corner libraries before I went on a solo bus trip. It’s semi-autobiographical and a bit sad, but in a way that I think is real and heart-tugging and beautiful, and absolutely worth it.
Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Leviathin
DO NOT @ ME. This book was the first book I read about openly gay characters and, whatever, it’s fun. I’m recommending it! Have a good time! Not everything needs to be impressive to your friends, guys, just read the fun book.
Queer Atmospheres by Imogen Markwell-Tweed
I’m so, so sorry, but I’m not about to ignore this golden opportunity. There’s a romance author I know… who writes exclusively queer characters… in her romance novellas… spanning genres from contemporary to paranormal to historical… and they’re all happy?? Maybe?? You give her a chance?? (I’m talking about myself, please go give me 5 star ratings.)
Is this a comprehensive list? No! It’s not even a very good one; it’s just my personal recommendations. I did not include music (but here is my personal gay playlist) or video games but I assume you know about Animal Crossing.
If you love any of these, let me know. If you hate any of these, please let me know.
*Hulan, Haley (2017) "Bury Your Gays: History, Usage, and Context," McNair Scholars Journal: Vol. 21 : Iss. 1 , Article 6. Available at: https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/mcnair/vol21/iss1/6
